2. Have You Experienced the Terrors of Public Transport?

As a born and raised Californian, I thought I had seen it all when it came to bad driving. It's the "well known" stereotype that California drivers are the worst. I want to challenge that by throwing a new group into the mix: Ugandan taxi drivers. That is not completely fair. I should say all Ugandan drivers in general.

Lugazi taxi park

Minutes out of the airport and into the parking lot, I encountered my very first Ugandan taxi. Taxi drivers rent their van-like taxis by the day if they do not own their own (which is not very common). There are two key players in a taxi: the driver and the conductor. The driver does just that, drives. The conductor is where the fun work comes in. This man (yes always a man, in Southern Uganda at least) sits at the back door with the window open yelling at people, asking them if they need a ride. A personal favorite yell was "Jinja, Kawolo! Jinja, Kawolo!" Jinja is a tourist town about a 45 minute drive from Lugazi (Lugazi was the center of my world, so everything is a sprout off from Lugazi), and Kawolo is the area surrounding Lugazi. It is the conductors job to get passengers onto the taxi, to tell the driver when to stop, to load any extra luggage a passenger has and to collect money from passengers before they get off.

Question: How many mzungus can you pack into one taxi? Answer: 18

It is all about making money. Getting as many people into your taxi as you can and driving fast to drop them and pick up more paying customers. A regular sized taxi is supposed to fit ten people in addition to the conductor and the driver. A taxi doesn't normally run without at least 13 passengers besides the conductor and driver--and that is still relatively comfortable. Let's just say, Africans aren't the smallest of people, or the cleanest. But when you need to get somewhere, personal bubbles are popped and you breathe through your mouth. The most passengers in one taxi that I had the pleasure of riding on was 20...double the necessary capacity. Taxis are considered to be a relatively safe means of travel. With all those people packed in there like sardines, no one is going anywhere if a crash happens. Taxis can only go so fast as well.

Small taxi. Still fits at least 15 passengers.

Another, less safe, means of transport is a boda boda. My personal favorite. A little road bike/motorcycle type of vehicle. Boda drivers sit on their bikes outside of popular shops: supermarkets, gas stations, outskirts of the taxi park, and hospitals or clinics. All you need to do is say "Hey Boda Man. Sseta. 1000 shillings?" and any boda in the vicinity will flock to you. Two things to remember when boda riding: 1. know your pricing. Any ride less than 10 minutes should never cost you more than 1000 shillings, and boda drivers will try to get as much money as possible (especially from a mzungu). 2. be in control of your ride. Tell the boda man to drive slow and make sure to keep telling him. There are no helmets or seat belts on bodas and if it crashes, it is road rash city all over your body. "Slow, sebo. Very slow for the mzungu!"

Three passenger boda. Not comfy for anyone involved.

Transportation is a decent way to make a living in Uganda if you can be an independent contractor. If you own your taxi or your boda, you are set to go. Otherwise, you pay almost as much as you make in a day. Taxis have to be rented, gas purchased, conductors compensated, and taxi park fees taken care of all before any wages are taken home by a driver. Boda bodas are a hit and miss market. If it rains, bodas are out. If it is a long ride, bodas are out. If you have time, you can walk. If you want to stay relatively clean, bodas are out. And that's still excluding the fact that there are SO many boda drivers, you have stiff competition.

See anything wrong with this picture? That's the road down there and the door is tied shut with twine to hold the bags of fish inside. Thanks you Conductor.

The safest means of transport is your own two legs. Walking. Though watch yourself because pedestrians have no rights, taxi do not stop unless you are getting on and sidewalks do not exist. With that said, on a taxi, always watch your ankles. There is no telling when a goat, loose chicken or bag of fish is going to roll up at your feet.